When you don’t know someone’s name, should you say “lady,” “woman,” or “miss?”
Should you avoid these and say something else?
Today, you’ll find out why you should avoid some of these and what to say instead.
Miss or ma’am?
Lindsay asks Aubrey if anyone has ever called her “ma’am.”
Aubrey concedes that she is getting to an age where people are now referring to her as “ma’am.”
When she was younger, she was instead called “miss.”
Today, you’ll learn the best standalone labels to use for strangers.
These are perfect when you don’t know someone’s first name and need to get their attention.
Talking to strangers
It can be difficult to know how to refer to someone when you don’t know their name.
A common mistake Aubrey noticed on a trip in Cancun, Mexico was being called, “lady.”
For example, when handing her a drink, a staff member would say, “Here you go, lady.”
Lindsay and Aubrey share why you should not call someone “lady” and better ways to address both men and women.
#1: Lady
This is an abrasive and potentially offensive standalone label.
Lindsay and Aubrey don’t recommend using this to address a woman you don’t know.
If you want to show respect and avoid offending, don’t use “lady” or “woman” to replace their name.
Both sound demanding, blunt, and impersonal.
If you are not strangers and are talking to a friend, the situation is different.
You can use “lady” or “woman” if you are being playful or teasing someone you know.
However, if you’re trying to connect with a stranger, avoid these.
Better options are “miss” and “ma’am.”
“Miss” is usually for younger women, and “ma’am” is for older women.
It’s preferred to use “ma’am” if you’re addressing someone near retirement age.
Examples:
- Right this way, miss.
- (Handing someone a drink) Here you are, ma’am.
#2: Ladies
Lindsay and Aubrey share that different rules apply to the plural form of “lady.”
This is a common and respectful way to address a group of women.
Examples:
- Right this way, ladies.
- Thank you for joining us today, ladies.
#3: Mister
Using “mister” as a standalone label for a man you don’t know is similar to using “lady” for a woman.
Lindsay and Aubrey share that “mister” is best used before a person’s last name.
For example, “Mr. Johnson, I have a file for you.”
If you don’t know their last name, avoid saying, “Please come with me, Mister.”
Using “sir” is a better option.
“Sir” can be used for men of any age.
Examples:
- Right this way, sir.
- Here you are, sir.
#4: Gentlemen
In American English, we don’t use “sir” in the plural to address multiple men.
You would not say, “Please follow me, sirs.”
Similarly, we would not say “men” to address a group.
Instead, we use the term “gentlemen.”
Examples:
- Gentlemen, please take your seats.
- Thank you for being here today, gentlemen.
#5: Ladies and gentlemen
When addressing a group that contains both men and women, we wouldn’t say “men and women.”
Instead, say, “ladies and gentlemen.”
Examples:
- Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats.
- Please follow me, ladies and gentlemen.
Roleplay
Lindsay and Aubrey share a roleplay using the tips shared in today’s episode.
This will help you better understand how you should address someone you don’t know in English.
In this scenario, Aubrey is the concierge at a hotel, and Lindsay is waiting with a group of people to check in.
Aubrey: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the Parkview Hotel. How can I assist you today?
Lindsay: Hi, we have a reservation for three under Lindsay.
Aubrey: Certainly, miss. I see it here. A two-bedroom suite for three nights. I have a wristband here for each of you ladies and for you as well, sir.
Lindsay: Oh, and there’s a credit card here on the desk. I think the woman who was just here left it.
Aubrey: Oh, thank you! We’ll get it back to her right away.
Lindsay and Aubrey discuss why Lindsay used “woman” when saying “the woman that was just here.”
Because the woman is not being addressed directly, we would use “woman” or “lady.”
Different guidelines apply when you’re not using the word to replace their name.
Takeaway
It can be tricky knowing what standalone label to use if you don’t know someone’s name.
Labels like “lady,” “woman,” or “mister” can come across as blunt, cold, or even disrespectful.
Language shapes connection, so choosing the wrong word can put distance between you and the person you’re speaking to.
Make sure you use vocabulary that shows respect and makes the interaction smooth.
Use “miss” or “ma’am” when addressing a woman, and “sir” for a man.
These terms will show respect and help build a connection.
