AEE 1356: A Simple But Powerful Connection Skill in English

Have you had somebody remember a detail that you told them in conversation?

Have you brought up some reference that somebody else made to you in conversation?

Remembering details about somebody else life or about a previous conversation can really go a long way.

This is how you work towards making connections, and you’re going to learn the skill and phrases to help you do this.

Get Your Transcripts Today!

Make sure you understand every word you hear on All Ears English.

Bring your English to the advanced level with new vocabulary and natural expressions.
Subscribe and get the transcripts delivered by email.

Learn to speak naturally with the American accent.

Click here to subscribe and save 50%

What Connections Are Made Of

There are so many different ways to connect, and they can all be beneficial.

One thing to focus on when it comes to making and keeping big connections is sharing something you observed or remembered about somebody else.

We’re going to do a role play to show how this works so that you can see it firsthand.

Michelle: “Lindsay I finally tried hot yoga over the weekend! It was actually really great.”

Lindsay: “That’s awesome Michelle! I know you were scared of doing it. I’m happy to hear you went for it and that you liked it.”

Michelle: “Thanks Lindsay!”

What happened there?

You can see that Michelle shared something about herself at some point in time, and Lindsay commented about it in a key way that improved their overall connection.

What was it exactly?

In this instance, Lindsay mentioned that she knew something about Michelle or remembered something.

This is huge for building a stronger connection because it shows that you care.

It shows that you focus or pay attention to the details that somebody is sharing with you about their life.

When you remember those details and call it up in conversation later, it shows that you care.

Remembering details about somebody else’s life and bringing it up helps you to connect with them in a really significant way!

Little Details Can Lead To Big Connections

When you show that you paid attention to what somebody was sharing with you, it goes a long way.

It shows that you make this person a priority in your life.

Why does this help you to build a stronger connection with this person?

  • It shows that you pay attention: It shows that you truly listen to this person when they talk to you. It shows that you are paying attention to the details in their life, and that they are important to you.
  • It shows that you remember: Not only did you pay attention when this person shared the details of their life with you, but you remembered it. When you bring up those details that were shared with you previously and mention it in conversation, it goes a long way.
  • It shows that you care: Remembering and paying attention when somebody is talking to you shows that you care. It shows this person that you care about them and what they have to say. It shows that this person is important to you, and that their life matters to you. Sometimes the little things go a long way in building connections that last!

Little things go a long way in building connections, and this is a perfect example of that.

You want to be sure that you pay attention and actively listen when somebody is talking to you.

When somebody shares something about themselves with you, it really helps them to feel important when you to bring it up later in conversation.

It can be all about the timing when you bring it up, the way in which you mention it in conversation, and using the best opportunities to do all of this.

When Can You Use This Opportunity To Connect?

So when does this happen?

When can you find opportunities to do this?

Let’s remember that first and foremost it’s about focusing on the stories and details that somebody shares with you.

The work is done on the front end of this where you invest your time and attention into the conversation.

Here are some instances when you can use this skill to connect and show that you care about the person you are talking to.

  • Someone tells you they tried a restaurant/saw a movie/read a book you recommended: This shows you that they really listened to you. As you provided a recommendation, they took that in and remembered it. They used that recommendation at a later date, and so it makes for a really great situation. Makes both of you feel good!
  • Someone tells you they are going to try something new–something you have talked about before: It’s almost as if this validates your recommendation. You told them about something that you had a positive experience with. They remembered it and are going to try this new thing because of your idea and recommendation.
  • Someone tells you a new development about their life: This may be a new job, a new city, a new relationship, or a new endeavor. When you hear somebody sharing something new in their life with you, this is your cue to remember it. Ask them about it, bring it up at a later time, and show some interest. When something big is happening to you it’s natural to want to share the details. Then when you bring it up at a later time it really shows that you are invested in what they are telling you.

This can be for past stories or for future things that someone is going to do.

The key is to comment in a way that shows you are connected to them already.

This will ensure that you are engaged, a part of their life, and you took the time to talk about something important to them.

Phrases To Help You With This Skill

You want to be actively listening so that you can make a reference in the future.

There are some great ways to reference something that you talked about with somebody.

There are some helpful phrases to use when you are talking to somebody, and they all show that you paid attention and that you care.

  • I know you….: This is a simple way to reference that you remember some detail of something that they told you. It’s pointing to the fact that you recognize a fact about somebody or remember a conversation.

A: “I got a new apartment on the Upper West Side.”

B: “Oh I am so glad. I know you love that area!”

  • I had a feeling…because…: This shows that you were consciously thinking of the person because of some previously made reference. When you say that you had a feeling, it shows that you know this person in some way. It demonstrates a certain familiarity.

A: “I tried that new restaurant you told me about. It was amazing.”

B: “Amazing! I had a feeling you would love it because you love really authentic food.”

  • You(‘ve) always…..so I ….: This shows a stronger connection, perhaps like you’ve known this person for awhile. It indicates that you have a relationship or have had multiple conversations with this person.

A: “I am going to try that new dating app.”

B: “Oh nice. You always talk about how you want to mix things up in your dating life, so I’m sure you’ll like it!”

  • I figured/I knew you would: This shows great familiarity because you know this person well enough to know what they might do. It’s a great thing to say after the fact or after some big event. It shows that you had confidence in them or that you knew that they would make a good decision of some type.

A: “I got the job!”

B: “Ah, congrats! I knew you would get it since you have been working so hard on networking.”

A: “I got a new dog!”

B: “That’s so exciting! I figured you would get one since you’ve been talking about it for a while.”

Takeaway

These are all really useful for building connection, and so they are well worth a try.

Think about how you feel when you know you are being heard, and like somebody is really paying attention to you.

It makes such a difference and really adds something to the conversation.

This can show familiarity or that you have been really listening or paying attention to what this person is saying to you.

Making these references and showing that you remembered what somebody said to you helps you to ultimately make a great connection.

If you have any questions, please leave them below in the comments section.

We’ll get back to you as soon as we can.

Photo Credit: