AEE 1378: Don’t Take it Out on Me! How to Keep Your Anger in Check

Do you remember the last time you got angry?

Do you ever take your anger out on others?

You may find yourself in a situation where anger is misdirected at the wrong person.

You will learn how to talk about anger in English, and how to deal with this type of situation if it comes up.

Get Your Transcripts Today!

Make sure you understand every word you hear on All Ears English.

Bring your English to the advanced level with new vocabulary and natural expressions.

Subscribe and get the transcripts delivered by email.

Learn to speak naturally with the American accent.

Click here to subscribe and save 50%

We have a question about frustration and anger today.

We don’t typically go into these emotions too much on the show, but it is so important to because these emotions make us human, and so this is probably a common question.

Hey there girls!

What’s up? I’m Rodrigo Rafael from Brazil, and I want you to know that I really really LOVE your podcasts! I’ve learned so much from you, and your joy is contagious!

I’m hoping that you can make an episode explaining ways to relieve certain feelings. I’m talking about feelings of frustration or anger, and I see people using these emotions badly. I’d like you to make an episode to explain ways to relieve frustration or anger, rather than treating people or things badly.

I know there’s an expression “to take your anger out on someone.” I’m wondering if there are other ways to say that. I want to know how to use such phrases, and how to talk about anger and frustration in general.

Thank you for your help,

Rodrigo Rafael

Dealing With Negative Feelings

This is a great question because it is a situation that many of us may find ourselves in from time to time.

You are likely to feel angry at times, and you may be around somebody who is angry too.

You want to know how to talk about it and how to deal with this type of situation as well.

Let’s talk about this phrase first, that was brought up in the example above, because it’s a good one.

What does it mean to “take your anger out on someone?”

It means to have negative feelings and let it impact how you treat someone else.

For example, if you had a bad day at work, you may yell at your partner or friend at home.

What this is called is a term known as “displaced aggression.”

What do you think happens if someone has displaced aggression?

This can definitely impact relationships and cause conflict.

You might have heard somewhere that the best thing you can do when coming home from work is to put on a smile, even if it was a terrible day.

However at the same time, you don’t want to fake being happy.

It may help you feel a little bit better, but you also want to be true to yourself too.

However, do not place your anger on someone who doesn’t deserve it!

So how would you use the expression “take it out on someone?”

Here’s an example of how that might work in conversation.

Lindsay: “Don’t talk to me I’m so mad right now.”

Michelle: “Okay well don’t take it out on me!”

Michelle: “He’s a nice guy but he always takes his anger out on waiters and waitresses. It’s weird.”

Similar Common Expressions To Use

There are many different ways to talk about being angry or frustrated.

This happens often and you are likely to be in a situation where you need or want to talk about it.

What other expressions could you use to express this?

Though there may be not be one that is exactly like “take your anger out on someone”, there are other similar phrases that can work much in the same way.

You will want to learn these so that you know what to say when you are in this type of situation.

  • Lash out: This means that you are angry and you are showing that towards somebody else. It may have nothing to do with this person, but you are angry and need to get it out. It may not be the right way to handle it, but it happens sometimes. You could say something like- “He lashed out at me even though I had nothing to do with the problem in the first place.”
  • Snap at someone: This is along the same lines, and often has to do with conversation on some level. The anger or frustration likely has nothing to do with the person that you are talking to. It can build up and cause you to snap at them though. You could say “She snapped at her mom when she was really just mad at herself for failing the class.”
  • Jump down someone’s throat: This is a bit more extreme but conveys the same sort of thing. When you are angry you may not even see that you do this. You may snap and this very visual type of phrase may express things in that heated moment. You might hear something like “I have no idea why, but she jumped down my throat when I asked how her day was.”

There are so many more because this is a common emotion that many of us feel.

You may feel angry and you may be the one that is acting this way towards somebody else.

You may be on the receiving end if you are around somebody that is angry.

Knowing how to talk about anger is an important thing, and it can help you to deal with the situation that you are in.

How To Deal With Somebody’s Anger

You are likely to be in a situation at some point in time where you see somebody angry.

What do you do if you are in this common situation?

How do you deal with somebody’s temper?

If someone is angry or if they are taking their anger or frustration out on you, then there are a couple of things that you can do to cope.

This all depends on the situation and the person you are dealing with, but here are a couple of things that may be helpful in the situation.

  • Try to remain calm: The best thing that you can do for yourself and this other person is to remain calm. That may seem impossible or very hard to do when somebody is angry. However if you can take a deep breath and remain calm, you help them and yourself.
  • Ask them if they are okay: Sometimes this is truly the most powerful thing. This may help them to calm down and it will be a great way to offer them some perspective. If they need anything, you asking this may be all that they need to get to a calmer place.
  • Try to remember they may have some pain going on: Unfortunately sometimes when you see somebody getting angry, it’s because there’s something bigger going on. They may have something from their past that is bothering them. They may be in a situation that is painful, and you may not understand their thought process. Therefore it can be helpful to try to remember that they have circumstances going on outside of this that may cause them to feel this way.
  • Ask them to stop: This is something simple but effective. Be sure that you use the right tone and think of the type of relationship you have with this person. Sometimes just asking them to stop may get their attention in that moment. That could go a long way with them and they may be quite thankful!

Think of any other ideas that you may have, as you may have dealt with such a situation before.

Though it may be difficult to see somebody angry, knowing how to deal with it is important.

You can talk it out with somebody, or just try to be understanding if you see their temper come out.

This situation isn’t an enjoyable one, but knowing how to deal with it is a big part of making connections in an unlikely way.

Takeaway

Anger is a hard emotion, and people struggle with how to express it.

People manage their anger in different ways, and that’s important to remember.

Use these phrases to describe these situations and try to remember not to take your anger out on others!

Know that anger is a normal emotion, but it’s all in how you deal with it.

Now you know how to talk about such emotions, and this is important as this type of situation may come up often.

If you have any questions, please leave them below in the comments section.

We’ll get back to you as soon as we can.

Photo Credit: