Does the way someone phrases something make a difference in relationships?
Advice for successful couples also applies to relationships at work.
Listen in today to learn how the way you express yourself makes a difference in your relationships with your coworkers.
Express yourself
Lindsay asks Aubrey if she thinks the way someone phrases things affects a relationship.
Aubrey responds that it absolutely does.
Someone can accidentally be condescending or critical when they just mean to help.
She then continues to share that something similar happened to her not long ago with her partner.
She was chopping onions in the kitchen and she used a small cutting board.
Her husband happened to pass through and made a comment saying, “Should you maybe use a bigger cutting board?”
She was initially annoyed and wanted to say, “Would you like to chop the onions?”
Looking back it’s funny but at the moment she felt she was being criticized.
However, he was just trying to be helpful.
Successful relationships
In today’s episode, Lindsay and Aubrey show you how to strengthen work relationships.
This was inspired by an article found by the team.
The title of the article is: Couples in Successful Relationships Always Use These 6 Phrases by Aditi Shrikant.
In the article, psychologists John and Julie Gottman interviewed 3,000 couples and followed some for as long as 20 years.
They found out what makes relationships last.
These tips apply to professional relationships as well.
Relationships in business
Conflict is inevitable at work.
You need to be prepared in advance with phrases that will help rather than compound the issue.
From the article, Aubrey and Lindsay share four of the six phrases mentioned.
They share how these will strengthen business relationships and provide an explanation and context for each.
#1: “I’m going to tell you something that may be upsetting to hear.”
Withholding or delaying information that might be upsetting is never a good idea.
This phrase prepares someone for upsetting information.
It shows empathy to recognize that your coworker may be upset by the news you’re about to share
#2: “It’s understandable you feel that way.”
If a coworker is frustrated, disappointed, or upset, what you say can make them feel embarrassed or foolish.
Instead, you can help them feel validated and heard.
You may not feel the same as them but you can still validate their emotions.
This shows you have empathy even if you aren’t experiencing the same feelings.
#3: “I never thought of things that way.”
There are several ways this can be said.
- “I hadn’t thought about it like that.”
- “I hadn’t considered that.”
- “I think your point of view makes sense.”
Compromise is a big part of business.
You often need to meet someone halfway and acknowledge the sense in what they’re saying.
The Gottmans call this and number 4 “getting to yes” phrases.
These show you’re listening and willing to compromise and not just trying to make your point or get your desired outcome.
#4: “Let’s find a solution.”
It’s proven that successful coworkers solve problems together.
Offering to work together shows that you’re invested in both the project and them as a person.
Roleplay
Here are two roleplays from Lindsay and Aubrey using the tips and vocabulary shared in today’s episode.
This will give you a better understanding on applying these to your day-to-day conversations at work.
In this first scenario, Lindsay and Aubrey are co-workers.
Aubrey: I’m going to tell you something that may be upsetting to hear.
Lindsay: Oh, no. Ok, what is it?
Aubrey: We lost the Markel account. I know you worked hard on it. I’m sorry it didn’t turn out like we hoped.
Lindsay: That is so frustrating! I can’t believe this.
Aubrey: It’s understandable you feel that way. Your team did an outstanding job. I’m really sorry about this.
Here is a the second scenario, where Lindsay and Aubrey are negotiating a contract.
Lindsay: I’m worried we’ve reached an impasse here. It doesn’t seem likely that we can reach an agreement.
Aubrey: What if we consider structuring it another way and we provide materials but you use a different vendor for manufacturing?
Lindsay: I hadn’t considered that. That might work.
Aubrey: Good to hear it. Let’s find a solution.
Takeaway
Conflict among coworkers and between colleagues is inevitable.
Use today’s phrases to show empathy and understanding and “get to yes” or a compromise where everyone is happy.
Make sure you have the right vocabulary or phrases to use so you’re not misunderstood.
You want to maintain a good relationship with people at work.
This way work will be both more efficient and more enjoyable.
What are other challenges you have at work?
We’d love to hear from you in the comments below.
