Do you worry about making conversation mistakes in English?
Today you’ll learn 3 tips for avoiding the most common mistakes.
Matt Abrahams, an expert in conversation skills, talks with Lindsay about this in today’s episode.
He shares common mistakes made in conversations, how to avoid them and what to do instead.
Who is Matt Abrahams?
In today’s episode, Lindsay interviews Matt Abrahams.
Matt is the host of the Think Fast Talk Smart Podcast.
He is also a lecturer on strategic communication at Stanford University’s Graduate School of Business.
Additionally, he is the author of the book Think Faster, Talk Smarter.
3 most common conversation mistakes
Lindsay asks Matt what are the most common conversation mistakes in English.
She asks Matt to share how we can avoid them.
#1: Making the conversation about yourself
It is very common to be a “Me Monster.”
Your focus should not be on yourself, but on the person you’re talking to.
Conversation is an opportunity to connect with other people so you need to make sure you include them.
It is not a one-way broadcast.
Lindsay asks how that makes the listener feel when you focus on yourself.
Matt responds that it can be disengaging for the other person or feel like you are bragging.
What do you have in common?
Connection NOT Perfection™ is a mantra for All Ears English.
The word communication is from the original meaning ‘make common.’
The sole purpose of communication is commonality and the way to do that is for both of you to contribute.
One great way to keep the conversation connected is to ask questions.
Asking questions is an invitation to the listener to join the discussion.
Another way is to bring up a topic that is shared.
You can point to something in an environment.
Matt shares that he started a good conversation with someone who was waiting in line for a buffet in a conference.
He notices everyone is wearing blue and he starts with “I didn’t know we had to wear blue for the conference.”
The person found it funny and they have become good friends and they meet in conferences to catch up to this day.
Lindsay asks Matt about his thoughts on interruption.
Matt shares that interrupt is important but there is a specific way you should do that to not break the connection.
He continues to share that paraphrasing as an interruption is key here.
Paraphrasing is when you take what somebody has said and say it in your own words.
If he needs to interrupt, he would highlight what the other person is saying and paraphrases it.
#2: Pressure to be interesting in a conversation
You can be pressured to say something interesting to keep the conversation going.
Matt shares he met a matchmaker before and she shared something interesting in making connections.
The goal of a good conversation is to be interested and not interesting.
Some of us see a conversation as a tennis match where your goal is to ace the ball over the net and score.
Matt says conversation is a hacky sack game.
The goal is to keep the sack off the ground.
You are helping each other.
In a conversation, you need to show you’re interested and give extra space for someone to talk more and for you to listen.
To learn more information makes you mindful of the other person and shows interest.
Matt shares that his mother-in-law is a great conversationalist.
She would use the phrase ‘tell me more’ once someone talks about a topic and this signals them to keep talking and it shows she likes the topic.
This gets you off the focus of the conversation and you show you’re interested with what the other person is sharing.
#3: Balance in taking turns
There are two types of turns in a conversation according to Matt.
There is a ‘supporting’ turn and a ‘switching’ turn.
The ‘supporting’ turn is keeping the conversation on the same topic.
You make sure that you keep talking and the other person stays on the right track.
The ‘switching’ turn is when you move on to another topic.
Matt gives an example where Lindsay and him would talk about a vacation she recently took in Hawaii.
- Supporting: Tell me where you went or which beach did you go to?
- Switching: I also took a trip and went to Costa Rica
Often people would keep switching then the conversation bounces around.
There is a balance in taking turners to keep the conversation free flowing and gives you time to connect more.
You don’t want to have a feeling of daze and confusion after a discussion.
It should have more supporting turns than switching turns so both of you are satisfied from the conversation.
The goal is to walk away from the conversation feeling good and having created a good connection with the person you talked to.
In finding the good balance, Matt’s mantra is “you have to be curious and have empathy.”
Takeaway
In this episode, Matt Abrahams, a lecturer at Stanford University, shares valuable insights on improving conversations.
He highlights three common mistakes: focusing too much on yourself, feeling pressured to be interesting, and failing to balance conversation turns.
The key to meaningful conversations is being genuinely interested in others, asking questions to engage them, and allowing space for them to share.
Empathy plays a vital role—actively listening and showing curiosity about what the other person is saying strengthens connections.
By maintaining balance in how you take turns in conversation, you create a more engaging, two-sided exchange that leaves both parties feeling heard and valued.
You can check out resources from Matt Abrahams, through his website: https://mattabrahams.com/
What is a good conversation you had that has helped you create a strong connection with someone?
Share your story in the comments below.
