Lindsay McMahon
"The English Adventurer"

Do you have any friends that get upset easily?

It’s tricky because what you say could cause someone to become more upset.

In today’s episode, you’ll get five key phrases to calm someone down in English.

We’ll share which phrases could make the situation worse.

Listen in for these vital tips!

Uncomfortable situations

Michelle asks if Lindsay ever feels she needs to lighten up.

Lindsay answers that she can get very intense and passionate at times.

When she gets to the point that she feels anxious, she tries to step back and lighten up.

Michelle expresses that she feels the same.

Today, Lindsay and Michelle are going to talk about expressions you can use when someone is too intense.

Lighten up!

The phrase ‘lighten up’ can be used when someone is being too intense.

Someone may be upset, anxious, or too rigid with their ways.

However, you should avoid saying this to someone who is angry because it will likely make it worse.

They may be offended, especially if they are upset over something serious.

Lindsay and Michelle will share other phrases you can use in these situations.

We will show you how to avoid sounding insensitive or out of touch.

Check out episode AEE 2223: Are You Thinking This is Tricky English Grammar? for more tips on how to navigate difficult conversations.

Always try to stay calm

There will be times when things get heated in a conversation.

You or a friend might become overly intense.

To soften the phrase ‘lighten up’, add ‘try to’ at the beginning.

Saying ‘try to lighten up’ makes it sound a little less direct.

It also shows you understand the situation, which is why you’re trying to suggest they take a step back for a moment.

Michelle asks Lindsay if it bothers her when someone tells her to lighten up when she’s upset.

Avoid being dismissive

Lindsay responds that ‘lighten up’ can sound dismissive, so you have to be careful.

Everyone wants their feelings acknowledged.

When someone is venting about something, you can say ‘lighten up’ gently to make the situation less intense.

Especially when the thing they are upset about shouldn’t become a bigger problem than it already is.

Here is a quick roleplay as an example:

Lindsay: I just don’t think they should be leaving that late. They will miss their flight.
Michelle: Ah, Lindsay, try to lighten up a little. They should be fine leaving at that time, and if they aren’t, hey! That’s their problem!

Following are phrases you can use as an alternative to ‘lighten up’.

#1: Relax

This is similar to ‘lighten up.’

In movies, you can hear teenagers say this to their parents.

When you use this, avoid saying it in the moment because it will just make things worse.

Wait for them to absorb what is happening.

Example:

Michelle: Why did she do that?!!? I’m so annoyed.
Lindsay: Try to relax Michelle. I don’t think it was on purpose.

#2: Calm down

You must be careful not to use this if someone is in a heightened state of emotion.

This is the wrong thing to say when you want to de-escalate things.

It’s best to not match the same intensity when you’re saying this.

You have to calmly say it to avoid sounding condescending.

Example:

Lindsay: This is ridiculous!
Michelle: I know, Lindsay, I know, but try to calm down and take a few deep breaths.
Lindsay: Okay, you’re right. It’s not worth getting so upset.

#3: Take it easy

This is a good phrase to say paired with empathy in your voice.

You want to show that you care for them so they should not act rash and just take it easy when they are feeling upset.

You want to notice the temperament and keep a cool head when the situation is charged with so many emotions.

  • keep a cool head: stay calm

Example:

Michelle: This isn’t fair. I told her to get everything done by Tuesday.
Lindsay: It’s true. But just try to take it easy. It’s all going to get figured out.

Roleplay

Here is a quick roleplay from Lindsay and Michelle using the phrases shared in today’s episode.

In this scenario, Michelle is very upset with her friend for forgetting to buy decorations for her party.

This is a good way to see how to use the phrases in a real English conversation.

Michelle: It’s just… she always does this! She’s so irresponsible.
Lindsay: I know, I know. But just try to relax.
Michelle: I’m just so annoyed.
Lindsay: Just try to take it easy. Let’s get some water.
Michelle: This is ridiculous.
Lindsay: Ok let’s just lighten up a bit. It’s not that bad. I can help.
Michelle: Ugh!
Lindsay: Michelle, try to calm down.
Michelle: Okay fine. Let’s take a break.

Takeaway

It’s always best to try to de-escalate an emotional situation.

However, you have to use these phrases at the right time or you will make things worse.

Be sure to empathize when you use today’s phrases, since you don’t want to sound condescending or dismissive.

Especially when situations become difficult and heated, it’s vital to be careful with the words you choose.

When you encounter a moment that requires you to be the cooler head in the conversation, try one of these phrases.

Have you ever been in a heated conversation where you had to calm down?

Share in the comments how you de-escalated the situation.

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